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жаль девочки, геи для мальчиков
Большо́му кораблю́... большо́е пла́вание.
Customer: Our budget is $1625.00
Me: Excellent.
Customer: We can't go over that budget. It will be my head.
Me: Not a problem.
Customer: Will we be okay?
Me: Yes.

Me: I have you under your budget, at 1618.00
Customer: Oh my god you're good.

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It's been a long time since I've posted about tennis.

I've had a really consistent run this last week.

6-4, 6-1, 6-0 vs. Kane
6-0, 6-2 vs. Casey
6-2, 6-3 vs. Luis V. (flex match)
2-6, 3-6 vs Casey (loss)
6-0, 6-1 vs. Kane

With the exception of the one loss, those were 9 very dominant sets of tennis. I don't remember a time when I had strung together 6-0, 6-1, 6-2 sets in consecutive matches like this ever. I felt like I could not miss. I was commanding the ground game so well that in most of those sets I felt like I could have pulled off whatever shot I wanted and it would have gone in. It has been a long while since I've felt that way. One of my friends jokingly said that maybe my freedom from school has given me the peace of mind that I needed to really play.

Games won: 59
Games lost: 25

% Chance of winning a game: 70.24%

That's a very strong percentage in my eyes.
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So since last Friday happened, I've considered myself on break.

No school has been the most wonderful heaven-sent blessing.

Played tennis on Saturday.

Then played doubles on Sunday with my doubles partner. We won in 3 sets. Then I played my second flex league match and lost in 2.

Monday I played and lost in 2 in singles. I followed that up with some gym time.

Today I played a very tough 3 setter and lost but just barely.

All of this physical activity is well-deserved. I've needed this since the beginning of the semester. I'm so glad I'm finally able to let loose and exert myself.

I really do hate school.
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Buy chips and dip for Monday

Print out parent forms

Take the STAAR test

Write out lesson plans and print worksheets to be copied

Make tests

Do laundry



Play with Kojak

Log in Professional Development hours

Get oil change

Rotate tires

Deposit Blake's check

Check on Return check

Make lesson plans for the next 2 weeks

Grade papers
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1. First thing you wash in the shower?

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
I don't remember who I kissed last it was too long ago

4. Do you plan outfits?

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Must go to gym

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
Computer Duster label

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having:
Janel was in it

8. Did you meet anybody new today?

9. What are you craving right now?

10. Do you floss daily?
I try to but sometimes I fail

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Patch kids

12. Are you emotional?
I lean more towards Spock's emotional capacities

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Maybe once or twice, attempting to learn that other language.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?

15. Do you like your hair?

16. Do you like yourself?

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?

18. What are you listening to right now?

19. Are your parents strict?

20. Would you go sky diving?

21. Do you like cottage cheese?

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
I've met hundreds of celebrities. It's gotten to the point where I've stopped counting, and if I see one on tv or in a magazine, I'll say "yeah I've met them"

23. Do you rent movies often?

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?

25. How many countries have you visited?

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
when I was little yes

27. Ever been on a train?

28. Brown or white eggs?

29.Do you have a cell-phone?

30. Do you use chapstick?

31. Do you own a gun?

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
my coworkers

34. Are you too forgiving?
i'm not sure

35. Ever been in love?

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
enjoying the weekend

37. Ever have cream puffs?

38. Last time you cried?
maybe last month, Niki's death was a year ago last month on the 20th.

39. What was the last question you asked?
"Did you expand your mind?"

40. Favorite time of the year?

41. Do you have any tattoos?

42. Are you sarcastic?

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?

44. Ever walked into a wall?

45. What is your favorite color?

46. Have you ever slapped someone?

47. Is your hair curly?

48. What was the last CD you bought?
natasha beddingfield

49. Do looks matter?

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?

51. Is your phone bill sky high?

52. Do you like your life right now?
I am content

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
yes, but not TV iPad

54. Can you handle the truth?
depends on what truth it is

55. Do you have good vision?
horrible vision

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
often, normally with my mom or dad

58. The last person you held hands with?

59. What are you wearing?
Shorts and a t-shirt.

60.What is your favorite animal?

61. Where was your default picture taken at?

62. Can you hula hoop?
yes, I won a contest back in school I beat a couple hundred girls, and the librarian.

63. Do you have a job?

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
construction paper

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
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I had two dreams in the last two days that were both dog related.

Two days ago, I dreamt that someone had taught Izzy how to bury toys... so someone tied a rope thing to one of the toys and she started to run it to a digging spot in the back. But when she ran out a car hit her. :( I could see that it was a woman driving the car. I woke up in a sweat.

Last night, I dreamt that Niki was in human form, this brunette. She followed me everywhere I went, and I remember she was just the way she was... happy, full of energy, friendly. And when I was going to take a nap (in the dream), she laid next to me to fall asleep together. Then, she got up, and said "I have to go..." and then she disappeared. I woke up in a sweat again.
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On Sunday April 21st, 2013, I woke up to hear the most terrible words I could ever imagine.

I feel terrible for wanting to write about that terrible morning, but Niki has been such an amazing influence in my life that I need to have an entry for her... for my own well being.

Sunday mornings usually consisted of me struggling to wake up as Casey pulls me out of bed or made attempts to wake me up so that we could go play tennis. It's been a ritual like that every Sunday morning for as long as I could remember. I was barely conscious, when instead of hearing "Time to get up to play tennis!", I hear "Sil... wake up! I think Niki is dead!"

I had never gotten up and jumped out of bed faster than that moment.

Everything was so unreal. It must have happened overnight. We rushed into Casey's bedroom, and as I round the corner of the bed there Niki was... laying there on the carpet, with her eyes opened. She wouldn't blink. That was what I remember most vividly about that morning. Casey couldn't bare to touch her (the reality of it all), so I carried her in my arms as we rushed to the emergency vet. I will never forget that either. I don't remember the conversation that went on from the house to the car. The only thing I remembered was saying "We're going to the vet. Let's go" I had never felt so much tunnel vision ever... I was just focused on her.

Halfway during the car ride, reality struck me, and I lost it. I started asking her if she could hear me, to give me any kind of sign... and nothing happened. Once we reached the vet, the lady said a bunch of things that I just was not taking in (Casey did the procedural stuff), and all I could do really was keep holding on to her, until I was asked to let her go.

And suddenly, our amazing doggy trio has now lost a member. :(

I am still in disbelief that I held in my hands a baby Niki 6 years ago ... to me holding her on her last hour. I would never believe it.

It wasn't until we came home without Niki that I realized just how much that little girl has done for me, my soul, my well-being. She meant so much more to me than I had realized. And I can't believe that I didn't love her even more. I was so stupid. Niki made me smile and made me feel happy for so many years... for most of my 20's, my prime years. That I am so incredibly thankful for.

Niki was the youngest of the three (at 6 years). To me, she was the cutest. She was the most energetic, most loving, and the most happy of the trio. She was always smiling. No matter what you did, what you ask her to do, she smiled. I could put her inside a laundry basket, and she would look up at me and smile. You can send her into hyperdrive by simply blowing air into her face. Then she'll play with you for hours. She was spastic at times, but she never did wrong. All she did was love. She gave the cutest little kisses, and every single night, when I got home from work, she would jump on my lap and fall asleep while I played on the computer. When I got in bed, she'd get in bed with me, and we would fall asleep together. Then every morning, she'd wake me up so I could take her outside. She was Kojak's best friend, and they did everything together. They'd play together, eat together, and fall asleep together when I left for work. They were inseparable.

Any time we were out in public, Niki was always the center of attention. At the dog park, people always went up to her and told us how beautiful she was. Kids would go to her and play with her, and she would always play with them back. Whenever we played tennis and took her, she would sit patiently and happily at the bench and watch our match. Then when we were ready to play ball with her, she'd bounce around and dart all across the courts. She was so people-friendly. And she was so happy. She's everything that I wasn't. And that's one of the main reasons why I really miss her. I don't have her charisma, her energy, her happy-go-lucky demeanor. I don't. I'm a fucking grumpy serious guy.

It is now Thursday. Things are still unbearable for me. On the outside I may be acting normal, but I am nowhere near feeling normal on the inside. There are a ton of emotions and thoughts going through me. They range from negative to positive, and it keeps flipping back and forth. I should have loved on her more the night before... held her close and taken care of her. Was I a bad pet owner? Did I neglect her? Was she feeling unloved? And then I remember her living a wonderful, happy, carefree, fulfilling, loving life. I remember just two weeks ago, spraying puppy cologne on her, and watching her shake it off. I remember so many happy memories. All the car rides, the walks, all those nights on the computer chair. And then, I remember Sunday morning, holding her body and that harsh, cruel, heavy reality... that feels so unreal, yet so real, all at the same time. The thoughts keep flipping around in my head.

I am glad that I got to meet one of the coolest pomeranians ever. There will never be another like her.

I am glad that I said yes when Casey asked me if we could get her as our third dog. It was the best decision I've ever made. Casey was holding baby Niki in front of my face, and they both looked at me waiting for me to decide whether or not I was going to make a purchase. I am so f#$%ing glad I said yes.

I am glad that Niki's gotten lots of play time with me. All those mornings throwing that rope toy endlessly never tires her, or me. Niki was a smart little girl.

I am glad that Niki loves us. :)
I hope that she knows that we love her.
I hope she is happy now, wherever she is.

I miss her so much. The smallest little thing is setting me into tears, and they are all small little things that I remember of her. Walking around the house reminds me of her. Playing the piano reminds me of her. Seeing Kojak reminds me of her. Seeing the couch reminds me of her. Seeing Izzy reminds me of her. Everything reminds me of her.

I never realized how important family is to me. This weekend opened my eyes.

Here is to 6 wonderful, amazing years. You will forever be my muse. Niki, you will be missed.

Current Mood: sad sad

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I'm getting spammed on my journal. How do I stop it?
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I'm having pretty inconsistent results lately in my tennis matches and I'm just getting less focused on what I really want. Both ways I learned make sense.

What I learned when I was younger:
- High percentage = wins. Don't miss, and you'll win. Simple.
- Play all court like a chess game, but be a wizard about it.
- Have superior movement and footwork.
- Opponents should feel pressure from my "court presence" more than anything. i.e. they feel the match is very tight, but look at the scoreboard to see 1-6 0-3.

What I learned when I went to college (and on):
- Attack first. Attack early.
- Hit early.
- Swing fast. Serve bombs.
- Play an all-court, fast-paced, aggressive game.
- Always hold serve. Look to break serve. (this is all very Sampras/Rafter-style)

These two vastly different modes of thinking is stirring in my head because I lost a match tonight with a bad showing 1-6 2-6. The scores are so lopsided. The match before, it went to a 5th set with me losing 1-6 in the fifth. The time before that, I won convincingly 6-1, 6-2 (if I remember right).

I don't know which set of beliefs to follow on court. My game drastically changes if I go from one mode to the other and I can feel it right away when I do change it. When I think attack, my game speeds up, suddenly points end at the drop of a dime. I'm very much into it. It feels very personal. I accept most instances of the match. When I lose a point, I accept that I've taken a gamble. When I fire a winner, I accept that I've taken a gamble (lol). I start thinking about how an attacking player like Federer or Henin plays and instantly my game takes on those characteristics. I like seeing the first attackable ball. I like swinging fast, I feel like I'm committing to my shots. It feels very Spartacus-like. Almost like an angry ass-kicking warrior who's just ready to throw down and take names.

When I think of percentage play a la Agassi or Nadal or Hingis, I find myself approaching the game more methodically, working more, thinking more... and naturally being more upset at mistakes. I enjoy the peace it gives me when I'm creating my own time to create beautiful shots. I see the rewards of hitting pinpoint shots, being artistic about playing, and masterminding people off the court and making them look a little out of sorts on court. The rewards and good feelings are definitely there, up in my crazy head.

Where do I go to find my niche? I do know for sure that if I do take on the percentage style play that I get so incredibly frustrated at myself when I start committing the smallest errors. I know that if I play attacking tennis, I'm more at ease when I miss points because I know I'm taking gambles. I know that when I play attacking tennis, my arm and finger starts to hurt after a while. There's a tradeoff here. I just don't know what to do.
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I will be posting an entry soon about my trip to California. Hang tight.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


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